Saturday, April 23, 2011

My New Conspiracy Theory

I have a new conspiracy theory. It has to do with moles (no, not the ones on your skin, the ones on your lawn).

It is this: Moles are actually good for your lawn, but commercial pest control propaganda has convinced us that they are bad.

I came to this new and stunning realization after taking a brief walking tour of my yard this morning, in which I have recently planted a number of seedling trees. I noticed that the moles are out in force, and I asked myself: why are these animals bad? They eat the grubs that destroy your lawn and they aerate the ground.

So what's the problem?

So I googled "why are moles bad?", yielding quite a number of posts from the pest control power elite who gave absolutely no reasons why moles are bad other than that they are. In a few other places, there are discussions, but the main problem attributed to moles seems to be that the tunnels are unsightly--and, in the case of a few apparently clumsy souls, dangerous.

I guess if you're running a golf course or you live in the city and carefully manicure your lawn, this can be a problem. But if you're out in the country, why is this an issue?

The only drawback to moles I can see is that they are insectivores and, in addition to eating grubs, which are bad for your lawn, they eat earthworms, which are good for you lawn. But, at worst, isn't this just a trade-off? Fewer worms for fewer grubs--with the extra, added benefit of having your lawn aerated?

So I will defy the pest control powers and let my moles run rampant on my lawn.


Them said...

two points I'd disagree on:

one, the worms are more important than the moles.
two, the lawn should look beautiful. if the moles leave holes then they don't fulfill their roles and you should kill their souls.

Lee said...

You're onto something, Martin. In fact, the word "molest" surely derives from our tendency to not just leave the moles alone.

This also has political implications. Had we adopted a more benign attitude for moles in the 1950s, Joe McCarthy would never have struck a sensational chord in politics, and Julius and Ethel Rosenberg might still be alive and teaching Marxism at an Ivy League college somewhere.

Tidy Heide said...

OMG! I still don't like moles in my lawn. I can't imagine if I have one. Surely I will shrieking out loud.