Friday, August 17, 2012

More bands that should be sent to Russia for trial

I wish to extend my list of bands which need to be sent to Russia for trial:
  • Rush (for sheer pretentiousness)
  • Madonna (give her twice the time as the others)
  • Metallica (almost as pretentious as Rush)
  • The Doors (we'll have to resurrect Jim Morrison for this, which will really screw up things for the people who visit his grave every year, but we can consider that an extra, added benefit. They need to get a life anyway)
  • Prince (add two extra years for every time he's changed his name)
  • ACDC (for being in league with the Devil)
  • Pearl Jam (for spawning grunge rock)
  • Nirvana (for fooling an entire generation into thinking they were actually good)
  • Journey (for sheer mediocrity)
  • Motley Crue (for just being Motley Crue)
  • Coldplay (for continuing to write the same song over and over again)
  • Green Day (who write great guitar hooks but whose lyrics are completely nihilistic and who suffer from generally bad hair)
  • Every rap and hip-hop band that has ever existed. Ever.
These are mostly older bands, of course, but the most of the bands on Billboard's Top 100 I have never heard of. But, given the generally bad musical taste these days, they cannot possibly be good.

Send them all.


ZPenn said...

Do we have the authority to send non-American bands to Russia? If so, please don't forget Bjork.

Singring said...

Wow, I had no idea 80s hard lock legends Quiet Riot had been arrested in Russia!?! I guess the Russian authorities weren't to keen to 'Come and feel the noize'?

And I have to say, the more Martin comments about popular music, the more curious I get about what he listens to at home. Right now I am picturing a record collection that covers the area somewhere between Pat Boone and Stryper.

But hey, it's all a big joke anyway, right? Locking people away for two years for making a bit of a public nuisance, I guess that's just about right in the perfect conservative world Martin seems to crave. I'll have to remember that the next time he is on about brownshirts and the Gestapo again.

Old Rebel said...

May I nominate lefty gasbag Bruce Hornsby? His syrupy and heavy-handed "The Way It Is" is enough to justify sending him to Siberia, and his idolatry of Morris Dees, the millionaire tolerance huckster, deserves a life sentence of having to listen to hip-hop.

apudewa said...

I believe that Plato and Confucius made approximately the same statement: "I care not who writes the laws if I can write the music." It isn't that our liberal modernism allows us to tolerate bad art; it's the bad art--music in particular--that allows us to tolerate liberal modernism.

apudewa said...

And today, the city of Moscow, Russia, did the unthinkable! They officially banned "Gay Pride" parades for 100 years! Can you imagine if Kansas City did such a thing?

Daniel said...


Let’s get hypothetical for minute: If you were made dictator tomorrow---I’d flee the country *grins*---with, among other privileges, the power to determine the music youngsters would listen to from their birth ‘til, say, age 22, what would go on the Cothran List of Approved Listening?

Also, I googled the phrase “hooliganism motivated by religious hatred” and am now vehemently wishing I’d let the asterisks alone.

Mr. Pudewa,

“Liberal modernism”? Would you give me an example of a “liberal modernist” so I can get a clearer idea of what you mean by the term?


Anonymous said...

ive never seen so much hate on a blog before. i never post comments but you sir are seriously full of hate sir. sincerely, matt

Martin Cothran said...


If you don't have a sense of humor, pretty much everything seems hateful. I would suggest either getting one, or reading something else.

Martin Cothran said...


Also, I think if you don't get a sense of humor, you should be sent to Russia for trial.

Martin Cothran said...


I listen mostly to different kinds of folk music now, and have a special taste for Celtic music.

Bands that should not go to Russia for trial: Solas, Loreena McKennitt, Varttina, Dougie Maclean, John Doyle, The Old Blind Dogs, Dervish, Connie Dover and a few others.

I went through a little Carole King spell a few weeks ago.

A few classic rock bands I still listen to: Tom Petty, ELO, Doobie Bros./Michael McDonald, Steely Dan, and I like Mark Knopfler an awful lot.

And, of course, the Beatles.

Lee said...

The Doors are one of my guilty pleasures. Jim Morrison hated Christians. I like his singing.

Anonymous said...

Coldplay should be sent to Russia for trial, and upon conviction be sent directly to Hell. And if Gynneth Paltrow goes too, so be it.