Saturday, April 19, 2014

Obamacare is Working...

Obamacare is Working....

. . . for the 8 million people who’ve enrolled and may or may not have paid their premiums and may or may not have been among the 6.2 million people who liked their health-care plans but lost them because they were substandard plans with low deductibles, more benefits, more doctors, larger networks, and affordable premiums but that didn’t provide contraceptives for 63 year-old women who can’t stay on their parents’ plans because of the Republican war on women like Lois Lerner and Kathleen Sebelius who turned Obamacare around. So now a mere 44 million people remain uninsured after spending only $1.7 trillion on a program that will save or create shovel-ready jobs for more than 15,000 more IRS agents to protect the country from conservative terrorist organizations who oppose high unemployment, trillion-dollar deficits, massive tax increases, restrictions on religious freedom, dangerous defense cuts, suffocating regulations, feckless foreign policy, wanton disregard for the rule of law, out-of-control spending, and failed economic policies mainly because they’re bitter, mouth-breathing, climate-change deniers and racists who want to force frightening black women like Condi Rice and Ayaan Hirsi Ali to speak to sensitive white college professors and students who have enough problems dealing with skyrocketing tuition rates which they could easily handle if they could find a 28 hour-a-week job and Republicans would just vote for a $10.10 an hour minimum wage, which is good bit less than an Obamacare navigator makes for directing illegal immigrants undocumented Americans to the local health-care Exchange and board of elections. Those institutions are working at least as well as the reset button we gave to Russia to show Vladimir we have enough flexibility to allow him to invade Ukraine or, preferably, the Bundy Ranch, provided no big turtles get scared which is a red line that would prompt serious consequences such as the deployment of warm socks, MREs, or the Bureau of Land Management, all of which would be as terrible as Iran getting a nuclear weapon — which would never happen because we asked them not to — or even as catastrophic as the rollout of the Obamacare website which everyone knows was George Bush’s fault.

1 comment:

Art said...

Dear Mr. Martin,

Thank you for your interest in writing for Fox News. I am sorry to inform you that, based on your sample essay, you simply are not up to the standards we have set over the years. Specifically:

1. What's with all the sentences? You took an almost-sufficient rant and broke it into far too many short sentences. You could easily have said everything in a single coherent sentence. You might want to enroll in a writing class at, say, a classical Christian academy to hone your craft, to learn how put string together longer sentences.

2. I said almost-sufficient. Surely you know that one requirement we have for any commentary dealing with President Obama is that the author remember to mention the President's radical Islamic agenda that derives from the fact that he was born in Kenya (not in the USA). If you cannot bring yourself to include these simple truths into your work, you might consider applying to, say, MSNBC.

Again, thank you for your interest. We wish you well in your future writing career.


Fox News.