Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Grinch Alert: Mob of angry Whos on Facebook want their Christmas tree back

All the Whos down in Whoville, the tall and the small, are as mad as, ... well, heck (In case you didn't know it, that's as mad as Whos ever get). Anyway, they're not going to take it any more. They are fed up with Gov. Grinch making off with their Christmas tree and replacing it with a "Holiday Tree."

A growing mob is forming over at Facebook calling on Kentucky's Grinch-in-Chief to return the tree or, ... or, ... or they're going to do whatever it is Whos do when they get angry.

There are now over 13,000 members of the Facebook group.

You see, last week, the Governor, dressed up as Santa Claus, crept into town under the cover of political darkness, slithered down the chimney, and decided to shove the state Christmas tree up through the fireplace.

But as he did this, he heard something, and it wasn't the coo of a dove.

Instead, it was Roger Alford, a reporter at the Whoville bureau of the Associated Press, who had just gotten a press release from the Kentucky Finance Cabinet seeking donations for a state "Holiday Tree," and he caught the Governor red-handed.

"Santy Claus, why?" asked Alford, objectively getting out his notepad and taking the pencil from behind his ear, "Why are you taking the state Christmas tree? Why?"

But the Governor was sly and the Governor was slick. He sent for a spokesperson and he sent for her quick. The aid, Cindy Lanham, explained that "the holiday tree reference is meant to be inclusive of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year's."

Okay. Why not just throw in Easter, Columbus Day, Presidents Day, and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? And don't forget Groundhog Day, and the much neglected Friendship Day. We could even include St. Patrick's Day. After all, the tree is green.

The chief problem, apparently, was that the Christmas tree could only be appreciated by people who actually celebrate Christmas, and not by people who don't.

Why the Governor thinks this is a problem is unclear. Have there been complaints about the state Christmas tree? Is there some problem with a baby in a manger bringing peace on earth and good will toward men?

The idea behind "Diversity" is that no one can do anything they want to unless no one else is offended. The only way to avoid this, of course, is to make everyone and everything the same.

That's why they call it "Diversity."

In fact, the liberals have somehow failed to notice that every time they try not to offend people, it just makes them mad. The Governor apparently hasn't noticed this.

It could be his head is not screwed on just right. It could be perhaps that his shoes are too tight. But some think that the most likely reason of all may be that the Governor's political judgment is two sizes too small.

In any case, they were going to take the tree back to the workshop. "We'll take it up there," they said, gesturing toward the Division of Forestry, "and we'll bring it back here."

So they patted Alford on the head, and sent him back to the media office on the 2nd floor of the Capitol building, at which point, the Governor went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. The last thing he left was the log on the fire.

Apparently, the Governor really thought this act would be appreciated. So he put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the bluegrass. It started in low, then it started to grow...

The problem is it was sound of over 13,000 people on the "Save the Christmas Tree" Facebook page wanting their Christmas tree back. In fact, the thing has now blown up into a major public relations headache for state Grinch officials. They puzzled over it three hours till their puzzler was sore.

Alford's story has now spread far and wide, and has even been carried by national news organizations like Forbes and USA Today.

More and more people are finding out now that no Christmas is coming in the Commonwealth. They're just waking up, and I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, then the Governor's public relations people will all cry Boo-Hoo!

Other people have tried to stop Christmas from coming, but it came just the same. It will come without ribbons. It will come without tags. It will come without packages, boxes, or bags. It will even come without a tree.

In fact, the only thing really in danger is the reputation of a few state politicians. If they're not careful, the roast beast won't be the only thing that gets carved up this Christmas.

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